• Ishani Nandedkar

Tale 10 : Make kindness cool again

"Pain and suffering are like a currency passed on from person to person, until they reach someone who receives them but does not pass them on." - Anonymous

This quote is stuck in my mind like Nutella sticks to buttered toast (Umm...sugar cravings much?). I read it a few days back somewhere on Instagram and since then I've been thinking about it. It's true, isn't it? When I suffer, my behavior is also such that everyone around me suffers. It might be intentional or unintentional, but when somebody is suffering it's like that pain clouds the mind and they are unable to think clearly.

Two weeks back, outta nowhere I started having dizzy spells. I had just spent an amazing weekend in the jungle with my traveler brother, listening to all his adventurous travel stories, and upon returning home I fell sick. At first I thought that it's nothing and so I was waiting for it to pass. But after three days of feeling constantly dizzy I decided to go to the doctor. To my ultimate surprise it was vertigo that was making me feel like my world is spinning. If you've ever experienced dizziness you'll know what I'm talking about. It just makes you feel sick to the stomach because you feel so out of control.

Vertigo is also one of the not-so-pleasant gifts that diabetes sometimes decides to surprise you with. Since two weeks I'm on vertigo medication and it has been driving me CRAZY. I'm a fiercely independent girl, and when I feel like I don't have control over my own body and mind, it gets to me. I own a yoga studio and I'm the only teacher there. Last few weeks have been sucky because I have to multitask between teaching the class and holding my ground. I don't feel like I'm going to fall, but sometimes, I feel like I'm floating and that's when I have to take a break to stand firmly for a while.

Since the vertigo diagnosis I've also been quite mean to my family, especially my husband. This dizziness business has shocked my balanced yogi soul and I have felt scared like this for the first time in ages. Even though I have been trying to contain my suffering, it has been pouring over the edges right on my husband's head. He's my best friend which also puts him in my emotional drama crosshairs. But being with me from so many years, he knows me well enough to put on his bullet-proof jacket just in time.

So, coming back to the quote that I started the blog with. I'm a sucker for kindness and kind people, and it looks like the love of my life has safely put the currency of suffering that I passed on to him, in his little piggy bank. That's where all bad currency passed on from me to him is stored which he refuses to pass on to others. Whenever I'm upset or ranting about how bad living with diabetes is, he wraps me in his arms and lets me be.

This is what ultimately life is about, no? Not letting others suffer in the shadow of our darkness, but to let them flourish in the light of our kindness. If everyone with pain started passing it around, this world would be a living hell.

Such lovely people like my husband exist and that gives me immense strength and hope to fight out all my diabetes related demons. I'm on the road to recovery now and finding that quote at such an apt time just made me realize the importance of being kind, especially to those closest to us. I know how hard Type 1 Diabetes can be, but hey, we still have a choice not to pass the suffering to those who are only trying to help us. Slay your demons, my fighters. It's time we made kindness cool again.

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